okay pat passed out under dana's car
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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