YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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