Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize