I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
