I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
