Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
