just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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