i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
