im drinking this country out of the recession.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
