so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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