So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
