we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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