He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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