I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
