HIV tests are more positive than that guy
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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