at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
