And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
