You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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