He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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