When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
