Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize