if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
