so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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