Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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