The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
