I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
