she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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