so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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