Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize