I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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