yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
