someone threw a dead crab at me
i already hear my dad disowning me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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