Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
