ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
