you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
