I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
