He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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