He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
