Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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