I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Your cock deserves a montage
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
