After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
