it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
