Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
