She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
