You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
