I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
