I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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