It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
