i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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