So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
