oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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