I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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