Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if only i could text you this smell
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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