im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
