You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
