They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
