What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
They took my balls.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
