In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
