I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
