Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
