wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just blew my weed a kiss
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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