Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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