I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
