Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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