Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
