I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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