Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning

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(+33): View more from France

how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?

Fav 61 7406 1618
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(513): View more from Ohio

Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?

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(678): View more from Georgia

God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.

Fav 2 1601 1047
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(815): View more from Illinois

This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.

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(817): View more from Texas

Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys

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(913): View more from Kansas

He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.

Fav 3 979 1792
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(734): View more from Michigan

Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.

Fav 3 239 213
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(256): View more from Alabama

I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.

Fav 0 10 29
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